Cukoo in the Nest

How do we encourage our children to do their share of the domestic chores? This was a question posed on Radio 4's Women's Hour recently that really made me prick up my ears. As a mother of a 16 year old son, I too have experienced problems over this and could relate to the many anecdotes that were being aired.

Aside from my son being adamantly adverse to wanting to clean and tidy his bedroom, which I can fully understand and appreciate, there has also been his chronic tendency to simply avoid putting items used into the dishwasher, laundry bin and ditto the waste bin, and this I fail to understand. After all it's not as if he will be dealing with the follow up for any of it, as he doesn't actually empty the dishwasher, do the laundry or for that matter see to the full bins. It would seem that my son would much prefer to let the dirty items pile into heaps around his bedroom. And yet ... and yet he's an artist! So how can he stand to see such clutter and turmoil, the mould growing in cups, the stink of dirty socks and underpants collecting in little pockets around his bedroom? No, I absolutely do not understand the mind set of any of this and so I will move on and consider the advice given on Women's Hour.

The experts advised that children should not be bribed but rather they should be allowed to make their own decision and arrive at their choice.
"NEVER!" I bellow in rage with the radio. If my son had been allowed to choose over the years he would by now be a filthy, louse ridden, illiterate raggamuffin with rotten teeth to boot.

And what's the big deal anyway? When I was young there was no debate. As kids we did what we were told, helped with the washing up, polished our shoes for school the next day, made our beds - or else! But as youngsters we never questioned the 'or else' bit, we just did as we were told. Maybe the difference is that today, our kids have discovered that after taking no notice there is nothing else, that it was, in most cases, for the majority of reasonable families, just a hollow threat.

And so I have to admit that my son does have a choice, but, so do I. If he chooses not to clean and tidy his room, I will choose not to fund his rock gig, or his day out to see a film with his mates or the new shoes that he would like, but doesn't I hasten to add actually need.

And amazingly, or not, he chose to help me with the gardening this week end. Well done son, I muttered to myself, good choice.