Young Adult on the Cusp

Growing Pains
Just wondering if there is any information out there about parenting for young adults who are 'on the cusp' so to speak. I mean, suddenly they 'come of age' don't they. One day they're not and the next they are. One day you can legitimately have a little bit of a nosey around, check that all is ok, and the next, well, you can't, not easily anyway. Not if you're like us and not sure where you stand. (For 'us' and 'we' I am referring to me and husband.)

Don't get me wrong, we are really not that meddlesome as parents, but in the fairly recent past, we would have experienced problems if we hadn't been just a little bit inquisitive. Like, keeping an eye on attendance at college, making sure that the university application has been jogging along nicely, even checking out the bank balance to ensure that it didn't go into the red. Now though we are questioning whether we should or not; how much we should interfere or leave things to chance. And it's all very well some of you saying he - our son - must learn through his own mistakes, but we are inclined to bellow back 'not at our expense he's not going to.'

The Inbetweeny Parents
While we are helping towards his finance as he studies, we feel that he owes it to us to give us an update. On the other hand there isn't anyone out there who considers it to be our business any more. So, we feel like the 'inbetweeny parents' without a role in the eyes of the law I suppose, but feel that it isn't quite over yet.

One of the problems is that nowadays with the cost of doing a degree going up so very much, more and more students are opting to study from home to avoid living and travel expenses. I don't think that anyone has really looked at the impact that this may have on the parents, not only from the fiscal side of things, but from the emotional as well.

Headstrong Headlong ...
The old adage, 'what the eye doesn't see the heart won't grieve over' comes very much to mind here. Once upon a time 'on the cusps' might have done their final bit of growing up whilst studying well away from their parents. On home turf however, must we watch helplessly on the side lines? Knowing that there is an awful lot more that life is going to dish out to our off-spring as they quite rightly take risks, as apparently they are programmed to do according to some behavioural scientists, is like watching a horror movie. You know that the inevitable is going to happen but you can't intervene. So, we ask once again, if there is any advice on how to cope with this state of affairs, we would be most grateful.

Bad Restaurant Experience

In Search of Somewhere Different to Eat
I'm not sure whether I should be grumbling about feeling short-changed, after eating at a restaurant the other night. Many would be grumbling back at me saying 'lucky old you' as most of us are having to penny pinch at the moment. Nevertheless, husband and I decided to treat ourselves, and we went to a part of the city that we don't usually go, in search of somewhere that looked different and promising.

We opted for a hotel restaurant, new to us, it looked inviting, not too brightly lit, lots of fluttering candlelight, soft honey coloured walls, not too homey, just enough finesse to make it feel kind of special.

Doesn't Look Like What I Ordered
Our starters were not that good and so we were surprised that our main meals were served by the waitress with such a confident flourish as she set them triumphantly down. "There you go, enjoy!" She swooped off before I could ask her for a jug of tap-water.

When I looked down, what she had left before me was a huge white china plate and right in its centre was a small mound of ‘steaming’. About the size of a small tin of cat-food, and actually now I come to mention it, yeah, well - you get the picture. I looked across at my husband and his face was not a happy one. His meal looked a bit like mine except there were a few dark brown blobs, albeit artistically arranged, around his central mound of, er, ‘steaming’.

'Building the Dish'
He looked over at me and scowled. "You know who we have to thank for this don't you?" He said. I shook my head trying not to laugh, because I did know really, I just wanted husband to say it out loud because it winds him up and that's what makes me laugh. "It's that bloody Gary Rhodes and his bloody 'building the dish,' he's the one that started this stupid idea. I mean just look at this, this is meant to be pork and potatoes with courgettes and carrots, but everything is piled on top of everything and I can't bloody well see what's what, and whether I've got what I'm paying for, and by the size of it, I don't think I'm getting my money's worth. You couldn't feed a, a, ..." "Cat?" I said, "yeah a bloody cat, on this lump of, of, ..." "Cat-food?" "Yeah, bloody cat-food, and I'm not bloody paying for it."

So we didn't. We had the Matron D fawning over us and offering free champagne, but we don't like it. She thought that we were a strange pair not to like champagne but what about a free pudding? We don't eat puddings either we said, as we put on our coats.

Short-changed by 'Chef Art'
Neither of us really understand this habit that some chefs have of piling one thing on top of another. Is it a form of art, like chef art?

I can sort of compare it in as strange way to what my hairdresser does after he has cut my hair. He always has to finish off by blow-drying it into a great mushroom mound and then rubs and teases and twists it into a sculptural shape with wax. Then I go home and dunk it in a sink of water and let it dry naturally because that is what I really wanted.

In both cases we have artisans straining to become artists, however, both are providing a personal service and both have to eventually relinquish their 'creation'. The hair-style and the dinner are absorbed and must become integral to the client. The dinner even more so, at least a hair style for a small period of time may resemble something of the original intention.

Going back to the food thing though, thing about building the dish is that - aside from the scams where you cannot see exactly what you're getting- it denies the pleasure of deciding how to eat the different elements of the meal, how to mix and match the flavours according to personal taste. In my book that takes a lot of the pleasure away from the

eating experience and in future we will have to ask if the chef 'builds his dish’ to prevent further disappointment.

The hair picture is the artistic version of a short back and sides.

Bad Teaching

On Role Models
I do not remember having a particular role model in any of my schools. In fact I hardly remember very much of my schooling before the age of 10 years, although, I may have been subconsciously informed.

The Done Thing
When I was at school it was in the 60s and 70s and unfortunately corporal punishment was commonly practiced then. What I do recall are episodes when such punishment was given. Classes were interspersed with painful whacks on the back of the hand with a ruler and worse.

There was one particular teacher who used to punish by making a child stand in front of the whole class while he squeezed the back of its neck, increasing the pressure until the child would go red and start to cry with the pain.

As I grew older I remember being acutely aware of how an adult should not behave. I was never impressed with the displays of bad temper that we used to frequently endure. May be we were particularly unruly, but I don’t think that we were any better or worse than most of the other children of the time. Judging by what I remember my friends and siblings saying, teacher outbursts and frequent use of corporal punishment seemed to be a common experience for most school kids back in those days.

Teaching Today
Today, when I see the primary school teachers teach, I am very impressed with the way they try to gain enthusiasm and enjoyment from the class as a whole. They have a very difficult and tiring job role, but when it is done well, there is nothing like the feed-back and positive responses that they get from the children to spur them on. As an ex performer I’d liken it to being on the stage and doing ‘good out there’.

Learning for Life
I believe that as learning is a life long process and not just something we do at school and then set aside, teachers have a duty to enable youngsters to find pleasure and gain satisfaction from their classes.

Striving to show that it can be both these things at the outset of the educational journey is just as important as learning our ABC and 123.

If just this can be encouraged in the early years then it will hopefully be something that is taken to heart by even the most resilient learner and remembered for life.

Here are turtles - they live for a very long time. All they do is eat and poo. What a life.

On the Demise of British Highstreets

Before the days of the great corporate chain stores that now dominate our town centres, shopping used to be an eclectic and delightful experience full of surprise. Now it has become so predictable. One high street looks like all the others. Many of us don't even bother to walk the streets and look at the shop fronts that are meant to entice us outside. We stay in and shop online.

When I first started blogging it was just as the recession was really kicking in and I wrote about the fall of a much loved shop of mine called The Pier.

It was stocked with the most wonderful items from around the world. Although it was a chain, entering the premises was like walking into an Aladdin's cave. It was the closest I could get to the days when I was a lot younger, and independent small traders were the norm.

Today, with the recession still showing no signs of going, we are seeing the demise of the last of the independent traders as they struggle against the odds to stay afloat, whilst trying to compete with the corporate giants.

The recent riots in a suburban Bristol town over Tesco domination did not surprise me in the least. In my own local town there have been similar protests over Tesco placing yet another of its supermarkets in our small vicinity and the circumstances are very similar. Here we also have a much cherished and lively town centre, with individual and creative retailers and a thriving farmers' market selling local produce once a month. These smaller businesses are no match for Tesco and our lovely community will become a ghost town if something isn't done to redress a balance.

Although there is a demand for the larger chains, there is also it would seem, according to recent news reports, an increase in the number of shoppers who are seeking something just that little bit different. The little pockets of lively idiosyncratic trading that still persist around the country have a large influx of visitors every weekend, who are yearning for this alternative shopping route.

At our recent visit to the Norfolk town of Norwich we were delighted to see so much individuality in the older part of the city and wondered if this might in part be due to the fact that it doesn't have a major motorway leading directly to it. Maybe just this little bit of cut off from the main drag has been a blessing in disguise. The photo is of its lovely arts and crafts style shopping arcade.

It is also telling that the government is concerned that the number of shops in our town centres are empty and has recently asked Mary Portas, Queen of retail experience to undertake an investigation with suggestions to try and turn things around. I think that it is important that she achieves this before our society goes completely down the pan. It could be argued that these individual town centres allow for more diversity and therefore encourage greater community cohesion. Whether this is the case or not, it is our creative individuals, the craftspeople, designers, farmers and produce makers who make up a large proportion of the independent shop owners. These guys strive to discover and explore all that is new and to be savoured, often pulling against the current trends and establishing the stuff of the future. If they didn't, we will be churning out the 'same ol same ol' with little thought of our cultural and social well being so long as its cheep and cheerful.

And a further consideration are the number of times the superstores muscle in on a design or an idea, but will insist that in order to go into manufacture for as cheaply as possible, in the large quantities desired for profit margins, corners will have to be cut, compromise will have to be made and it is a rare instance that these decisions do not affect the quality of the original intention. One hates to think about the integrity of the design and where things stand if the designer were to pull out with regards to copyright. The demise of the farmer and the food producer and their tradings with the large supermarkets, has also been well documented, as being a far from pleasant experience. With reports of price undercutting and bullying tactics it is no wonder that British food producers are going under with the pressure.

There are therefore many, many reasons why I would like to see Ms Portas achieving a redress of balance in the retail industry, and I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping. But if she is taking on the might of the retail giants I am not so sure that a winning smile and platitudes will be enough.

Down to Size

I've recently volunteered to help out at my local primary school. I want to return to peripatetic teaching and facilitating arts projects but as I've not been doing this for a number of years I need to build up my stamina again.

The kids I come into contact with are lovely and very well behaved. They sit for long periods of time having to listen quietly and stand queueing without fidgeting or talking for what must seem ages to them.

The average class has 30 children with very disparate abilities and not all of them have English as their first language. I sense that there is frustration amongst them sometimes. Some have to be patient and wait for the less able to catch up whilst others who are slower might feel very frustrated and maybe in their own little ways a tad dispirited.

I haven't been there for very long but I already admire the children which is a bit of a turnaround to how I thought I was going to react. I thought that my sympathies were going to lie with the teachers and what they are having to cope with, although don't get me wrong they are also doing a sterling job against the odds.

These five and six year olds however could teach many adults a thing or two, especially drivers on our roads that impatiently barge around and push in whilst others do not seem to be at all concerned about poodling along with a tail back of traffic behind them. And queueing for the bus no longer seems to exist, more of a scram on a first come first serve basis and never mind the old lady who needs to be helped up the steps.

I recall an interview on the radio not so long ago with Michael Gove the Education Secretary. He was being asked whether class sizes should be reduced. I was quite outraged that he took the view that this was not a problem providing school children had good teachers.

I knew and I strongly suspect so did the interviewer that his response was motivated by fiscal concerns alone and it made me angry.

I pulled back on my career to support my son through his schooling. That's us in the photo he's a big boy now! I know that if I hadn't he would not have achieved as much as he did. I know without a doubt that I was able to reinforce all that the teachers had tried to impart to him. That during our one-to-ones after his school day I was able to go slower and cover any difficulties that he had. Though I do not resent helping my son I am now trying to make up for my lost career time.

Other children are not so lucky. Their carers might not be able to give up the time to help reinforce the teaching and check out the homework. This is where the system starts to become unfair because some of these parents may have the financial means to pay for someone to do this on their behalf.

How ever this thorny problem is viewed, Michael Gove is plainly wrong. I have observed how difficult it is for one teacher no matter how good to spread themselves across 30 children. The added problem is that for the very young there is an inablilty to confidently pass classroom information on in support of one another, unlike older students who are are more able to work independently.

I believe that children between four to six years should be far fewer in the class. Fifteen would be much more manageable and individual children's needs could be specifically addressed. What is there for Michael Gove not to understand? Maybe he needs to go back to school himself and experience it from both view points: pupil and teacher or maybe he needs instructing on common sense. Perhaps this should be a training requirement for all Education Ministers.

Black Beauty

My husband has been having an affair with a real beauty these past few years; sleek, with a cute 'rear end', loud and racy. I try not to act too jealous but when I see the way he fondly strokes and rubs the bodywork I have to say that there are times when I find it all just a bit much.

She lives on her own, next door to us which is a little too close for comfort. When ever my husband is missing and not away from home, I know that this is where he will be. As a high maintenance type there is always something that she needs to have done.

Recently my husband bought her a new coat, high fashion and designer, of three hues that causes it to glow in the sunshine. The way a pint of Guinness is flecked with gold when held up to the light, as he described it to me.

She also causes a bit of a stir in our neighbourhood as she frequently attracts the attention of the other men that live close by. They will often openly admire her and in this respect she's been a bit of an ice breaker. I am of course referring to my husband's motor bike; a Yamaha TRX 850.

And there are concerns for her safety which are most touching, no really. The other night one of our neighbours took the trouble to wake us up to inform that the garage door had come open. Someone might steal her he said.

To my surprise she is also very appealing to most of the younger kids round our way, now that they have got used to her wake up call. One little boy told me that he doesn't have to set his alarm for school anymore as the roar gets him up every morning without fail.

And for me, there are still times when as my husband zooms off to work on his Yamaha, the first sip of tea that I am about to take jolts down my front instead. She is definitely not the type that likes to be taken for granted I think.

A Superior Nose

I was at a dinner party the other week and someone commented on the bottle of wine that I'd brought. I know nothing about wine or whether it is 'good' or 'bad', all I know is what I taste. This is the reason why I like the wine that I go for: it must not be too acidic otherwise I get physical discomfort from drinking it. There you go, as far as I'm concerned it's as simple as that. Well maybe I also like how it makes me feel after a couple of glasses as well, and this photo is probably a good illustration.

The comments made were something along the lines of it being 'fresh' and 'young' and I had no idea what these terms really meant. It had been described in the supermarket as 'smooth' and 'mellow', and having tried it before I agree with the store's description.

So what is all this wine know-how to do with? I mean why bother? A recent report that I read suggests that even most experts cannot distinguish between a very expensive bottle and a really cheap one if the really cheap one tastes good, and from my experience they can do.

Gone are the days where if something comes with an expensive price tag do I believe that I'm necessarily getting quality. As it turned out, my young and fresh wine was appreciated by all but here is the rub. When the other dinner guests congratulated me over my choice, why did I feel so bloody superior?

Banning of the Face Veil in Public Places

What has provoked me to write about this touchy subject is the fairly recent decision by the French government to place a ban on the wearing of a full face veil in public places. And ... this photo of me, dancing the night away and feeling so free and radiant at the time. Shouldn't this be everyone's birth right?

My problem is that as a western white woman, whenever I see a woman wearing a full face veil, my instincts and sentiments dominate and I immediately think ‘what a shame’, and ‘how can that be right’, because it looks as though she is being subdued and has waivered certain freedoms.

I find that for a long time after I’ve seen a woman wearing a face veil, I am left arguing with myself and trying to work out whether my feelings are justified – or not. Whether I am being defensive or narrow minded at best.

There is also a nagging doubt that maybe the woman has been made to wear one, or feels that the social confines that she lives within, insist upon it. If that is the case then should our western democratic society, based on freedoms that many of our ancestors have fought for, be sanctioning the wearing of them? Should our government be following the example of the French?

I have to say that I am not a very logical thinking person and that my instincts in most of my life decisions have always won out over the years. On this thorny issue however I seem to be at logger heads with many of my female friends, a majority of whom do not wear the veil. A majority of whom also think that it is a woman’s basic right to chose what she wants to wear and how. “Well that’s just fine then,” I always end up raising my voice over this. “But what woman in her right mind would seriously want to completely cover up her face?”

“Me,” says my very attractive blond friend. “Every morning. I cannot leave the house unless I’ve got full makeup on; base, blusher, lippy, you know. If I could just shove a veil on then I could have an extra fifteen minutes lie in.”

“You would hate it if you had to do it every day wouldn’t you?” I countered.

“I’m not so sure. It could give me a new lease of life not to have to worry what others thought about what I looked like.”

Well maybe she has a point. I just do not know for sure what to believe on this and will wait the outcome of the French decision with a great deal of interest.